Why are you in such a rush to be old?

I’ve recently noticed that a disproportionate number of hashtagmenswear bloggers are college students. To them, I say: what the fuck is wrong with you kids? You have your whole life to dress like a grown man,and a small window in which you can indulge your more whimsical side. DON’T FUCKING BLOW IT.

This is the time to engage in all that counter-cultural bullshit that makes for fantastic storytelling later in life. Instead you’re strutting around campus like a fratted-out Alex P Keaton. Oh, you like clothes? Then experiment with them.  I can’t wear Dries Van Noten but you assholes can…and you don’t. Whats with the gratuitous formality? Nobody is mistaking you for a grown-ass man, son. Trust.

I used to look at those Street Etiquette dudes with the side eye.  Those dudes were the emperors, and they were prancing around SoHo butt-ass-naked. I couldn’t understand how no one seemed to notice that more often than not, those dudes looked ridiculous. More recently, I’ve come to the realization that I had been projecting myself onto them. Everything they wear would be laughable on me because I probably have 15 years, ten inches and 100 pounds on them. You know what? Those dudes are dope. They know exactly who they are and execute that shit flawlessly. You look fucking ridiculous, Little Lord Fratleroy.